Finally it's Monday and everyone knows I'll finally be speaking with the doctor today. Huzzah! 9:45 is the scheduled appointment time. I go into the system and do all the proper steps to get my machine ready and tested for a video visit. Double check the calendar for a new client call - want to make sure I've got enough time between potential bad news and business as usual. WTF, the appointment is not on the calendar. Okay, I log back into the system and download the appointment calendar file so I can make sure my reminder pops up on the calendar. Still the damn appointment isn't showing up at 9:45! I toggle over to another calendar app and see that NEXT Monday I have a 9:45 follow up appointment with the doctor! NOOOOOOOO!!!

Alas, I quickly popped back onto the system (My Health Online is getting crazy website visits from me these days!) and selected "reschedule appointment" to see if there is anything sooner than NEXT Monday. Sigh of relief when I see one at 3:45 today! Snagged that puppy and spent the next couple of hours letting folks know that "no, I had not talked to the doctor yet... I'll update when I have word." (Easter weekend meant that the big circle of immediate family got to know the story and when my appt was coming up).

Oh, and, when my doc got into the office in the morning and saw my results and messages, he told his staff to call me and schedule a same day appointment to go over the findings - fit me in where ever he could. Now that is exactly what I expect from my doc. Except vacations. Told the lady I grabbed one quicker in the day than she could get to me and her relief was evident (mine too!). Score one for online scheduling, technology and, well, me.

3:45pm. All checked in for my video visit and Dan receives a call on his cell phone to "pre" check me in for my appointment. Shrug, no idea how that happened, but inform the lady I already checked the boxes and did my own vitals at home and I'm raring to go. Except the fact that she informs me that there is one patient ahead of me and the doctor is running about 15 minutes late. Oh, my dear American healthcare system- you suck! Dan joins me in eager anticipation of what the doc will say.

And then there he is, Dr. Doolittle on the screen. He already has his compassionate face on the screen. This doctor has always been very empathetic, compassionate, caring and never rushed or short. So no surprise he knows what I know and what we have to discuss. I immediately tell him that of course I've been googling and the results indicate cancer. Of course he tells me not to google and we're not jumping to that conclusion JUST yet, but yes, the results can certainly indicate cancer. We went through a series of questions and symptoms. Have I been coughing? No. Have I felt unwell? No, except that one night with kidney stones (debating if I would trade cancer for that experience again...). Have I lost a lot of weight recently? Yes, I've been on a medically supervised Keto diet and am down almost 40lbs (his eyebrow raised at that). We reviewed medications to see if I had started any potential weight loss types of drugs when I started dropping weight. Nope. The only thing I mentioned that I have been experiencing are night sweats. I thought this was possibly perimenopausal, but through a battery of tests from my endo, is not the case. Night sweats can occur for a variety of reasons, and it is a symptom of some cancers.

Doctor lets me know that the PET scan is being re-ordered stat so I can get in sooner. He also prescribed a round of anti-biotics to rule out infection. Threw some additional lab work in there as well. Submitted a referral to see a pulmonologist.

I asked if we can call this cancer yet and the doc reminded me that we need to rule out all other possible causes of the CT scan findings before we go with an official diagnosis. Including waiting to see what the PET scan shows. May need a biopsy in the future, but with the location of the c-word looking stuff, it's a bit more complicated. And the nodules and masses are still terribly small. And, I'm not a smoker nor have I ever been. He also mentioned that there's a high possibility that this could be a disorder of the lymph nodes or related to my shitty thyroid. He's holding out hope that there are zebras running amuck out there called cancer and in reality we're just hearing standard treatable horses. I told him that I want to start preparing for a horse called cancer while we rule out all of the zebras as zebras. He agreed that yes, it can very likely be that we're dealing with cancer, but until we go through the scientific method of ruling out hypothesis of anything else, we can't confirm a cancer diagnosis. I'm still listening to my horse named cancer and calling the zebras what they are- not this horse.

So, I should have a call from all of these specialists in the next 3-5 days. If things don't move fast enough for my doctor, he told me he would raise hell if need be. Good providers are worth it.

So, that's all folks. I'll hold off on sharing this journey with more folks until the time is right, but those of you who are here to support me through whatever the F this looks like, thank you. Thank you for letting me unburden my concerns, thoughts and worries with you. Thank you for being a supportive ear. Thank you for the big hugs. Thank you for the pound of french fries. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, concerns and love. I'm afraid I'll need it.

Pictures of my emotional support cat, me being young and going out with coworkers late at night and having a "f cancer" drink, and me, documenting my skinny a$$ self.