So as I was in the radiology department for my follow up chest CT scan, the technician mentioned that the CT scan was ordered stat and alluded that the doc may have seen something on the ER CT scan that warranted a quick follow up. Meanwhile in my head, I was thinking how fortunate I am to have a doctor who is willing to order tests to rule out anything out of the ordinary and a good healthcare plan that covers such expensive tests without a worry of cost. Especially if it is all for nothing and just a double check that everything is fine.

Well, the exam was at 11am and I ran a few errands afterwards. On my way home around 3pm the results came in. I took a quick peek and the first words that popped out at me were "mass", "carcinoma" and "metastases." My oh sh*t meter started beeping. I went into Dan's home office (the Workshop) and started telling him that there are big bad scary words in my CT scan results. And I started googling. (I know, everyone says NO GOOGLING!), the fear mounted. At this time, I wanted to define terms being used as a part of this result. "Neoplastic", "Lymphadenopathy", "Nodular infiltrate". I wanted to understand what the reality of these clinical findings were in terms of all possibilities. All google search results pointed me to great NIH studies, radiologic associations/journals, and lung cancer websites. :/

After googling all terms, in many different combinations, talking with close friends and family, I came to the conclusion that there is no way out of a lung cancer diagnosis. And with Lymph node involvement, "neoplastic process" (tumors) with nodal metastases, it looks like there's a good possibility of it being stage 3 lung cancer. But I'm not a doctor, however in pretending to be one, that's what I would tell the patient on my own reality show.

So after those results came back at 3pm on Tuesday, I waited for my doctor to call me. He's usually right on top of it. I feel like we are VIP's with the doc as he's been my doctor since I was in High School and he was a resident. No call by the end of the day.

Wednesday I emailed his office and let them know that I really wanted someone to call me to review these CT scan results. Crickets. Starting to share news that there is a possibility that this could be real with my close friends and family.

Thursday morning, and after confiding my worst fears with several friends for the last 48 hours, I call the doctors office and demand to know if my doctor is on vacation (as I was starting to suspect with it being spring break and all). They confirmed he was indeed on vacation and would really want to review the results with me personally. I told them that I could not wait that long, I was starting to freak out and if a PET scan was recommended could we at least get that ordered so it can go through the whole prior authorization department. Ugh. I just want a medical professional to break the bad news officially!

Friday morning, received an email stating that the doc really needs to be the one to review the results with me, however the PET scan was ordered in the system. I knew I had already scheduled a follow up with the doctor for Monday so as frustrated as I was not being able to get immediate answers from my doctor, I knew they were coming soon. I just had to be patient (or try).

At this time though, I've shown the results without context to a few folks, some in professions related to the medical field, some having gone through cancer experiences - most of them apologizing for the shitty implied cancer that the results indicate. At this time, I'm preparing my mind for the worst and hoping to be relieved. There are possibilities I could be battling an infection. This could be related to an autoimmune process (which I have a higher likelihood of because of my diabetes, celiac and Hashimoto's). Or, it could be what it looks like and be cancer.

At this time, my mantra is that it's going to be one day at a time until the next test result, the next doctors appointment, the next "what else could it possibly be?" Hoping to be relived, mentally preparing to battle if need be.

So keep me in your thoughts. I love company and inappropriate jokes. I may start building out a bucket list so I'll be recruiting partners in crime. If you have stories of cancer journeys to share so I can learn more about what to expect, reach out.

And yes, if you check out the CT results below and notice my Dr's name, it is indeed Doolittle :)